NursingZen

March flew by in part because of our three luxurious weeks of spring break. We’ve now returned to our last quarter of MEPN. Amazing. The anxiety and sleeplessness of the first quarter seem like a lifetime ago. The Pediatric and Psych experiences are still palpable, but at 6 (?) and 4 (?) weeks each, they were far too fleeting. Now we’re in Labor & Delivery and Community Health Nursing, which together take up five days of the week.

Despite the schedule, I have a feeling that L&D and Community might be the most enjoyable and interesting for me, thanks to a mindful and passionate L&D professor and a nurturing and laidback community clinical placement. My Community clinical is also a much-needed reality check: After the hands-off experience of Peds and Psych, I’m realizing just how rusty my basic nursing knowledge is. For example, on my first day in Community clinical, I recapped a used needle with my RN preceptor watching. She said: “Never recap a used needle – now I know they taught you that.” In my opinion, she was too nice about it. The next day, an NP watched me as I gave a vaccine shot. I forgot to put on gloves. Right. Basics, baby. Basics. I don’t want to make excuses for my idiocy, but I will: This year has been so fast and so up and down in terms of quality of clinicals and preceptors that I haven’t been able to concretize and hone my knowledge and skills as much as I’d like.

But even though I feel rushed in my preparation as an RN, I’ve seen enough good and bad bedside nursing that I know the kind of nurse I want to be. I’ve seen enough wonderful patients, enough disparity in care, and enough burnt-out nurses that I want to help bring in new energy, a dose of optimism, and high standards. While some of my classmates are looking eagerly toward the Master’s program next fall and to becoming NPs, CNSs, or midwives, I’m planning to develop my practice as a bedside nurse for a year, maybe two, while taking time to finish my Master’s (speciality still to be definitively determined, thanks in part to an interest in too many fields –– to be discussed another time).

I’m not sure when it happened but somewhere along the way the words “my practice” started to mean something to me. Months ago I heard a classmate say, “I want school to be over. I can’t wait to develop my practice,” and my internal reaction was, “Huh? We’ve barely been in school. What practice is she talking about?” But over the last nine months I began to see just how differently each nurse interprets the role and responsibilities of being an RN and how much freedom each New Nurse has to define and shape the kind of RN she wants to be—in other words, how well she understands disease and nursing interventions, how safely and critically she will practice, and how brave, outspoken, present, and compassionate she will be. Dare I say it … I can’t wait for my practice to begin.

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