NursingZen

Four weeks of Pediatrics ended last week. I think our Peds professor is the kindest, most fair, and most accessible teacher so far. I feel that if I drop in on her six months from now, she’ll make me feel completely comfortable and welcomed. She’s young and vivacious … I hope she sticks with teaching in the MEPN program.

This week began our Psychiatric-Mental Health Nursing course, which encompasses two full days of lecture and three half-days of clinical. We begin at 7:30 and end by 1 pm, which leaves us some glorious afternoons to do with what we wish.

Prior to the start of Psych, I had apathetic feelings about it. I couldn’t place my finger on why, since I always do my best to be positive and enthusiastic about every new experience. Then in class on Tuesday, something clicked. As the instructor talked more and more about mental illness, depression, schizophrenia, and the stressors and risk factors in people’s lives that precipitate mental disorders, I felt something like quicksand weigh down on me. In no time at all, I began to feel claustrophobic. I had trouble breathing, and then tears started to spill. I had to pinch the bridge of my nose to hold them back.

It dawned on me that I’ve been anxious about Psych because I didn’t want to face the mental illness that has been in my family. I didn’t want to recall that my father was depressed, yet I didn’t recognize it and didn’t do anything to help him. I also didn’t want to be reminded of the fact that another relative is depressed and deteriorating because of Parkinson’s disease, yet I haven’t had the strength or know-how to deal with it. And although I’m writing this down here, I’m not saying I’m ready to face those things head on. I guess I’m writing this because it’s important to me that I acknowledge and make real that this is what’s going on with me this week.

Unexpectedly, Psych might become the most challenging and rewarding class for me this year. Maybe, hopefully, it will help me face my personal issues and equip me with knowledge to help my loved one. I make no promises, but I’m going to try my best to keep an open mind and an open heart.

More later about the first week of Psych clinicals, which has been a mixed bag.