NursingZen

I learn something new every day. For instance, I didn’t know that there’s an aerosol bottle in every patient’s room that can be sprayed to help mask foul smells. When a patient poops into the waterless commode, I have to stand near him/her to make sure s/he doesn’t fall off. For the past two months I just stood there each time, suppressing the urge to run and silently begging for a reprieve. (I’ve got willpower like you’ve never seen before, unless you’re a nurse.) Then one day a nursing assistant took that little spray out of my patient’s closet and turned my life around.

Some laughs:

Morning report
Night nurse to morning nurse: …so Mr. X had xyz and abc, and he had explosive diarrhea this morning.
Me: Ha ha ha!
[Morning & Night nurse: faces blank]
Me: Sorry.

Changing soaked bedsheets with overweight patient in bed
Nurse [whispers]: She has the biggest bladder I’ve ever seen.
Me [feeling the cold urine through my gloves]: Mmhm. Wow.
[Patient farts in our faces while I hold her on her side]
Nurse to patient: Are you done?
[Patient nods]
Me: [Ha ha!]

Giving report to my class
Me: My patient is an 85-year-old male, status post diarrhea. He developed…
Teacher: No, you wouldn’t say status post diarrhea.
Class: Ha ha!