May 01 2007
A spike in confidence
Today, while soaking in the sun during my lunch break, I read one of several academic journal articles that I downloaded out of sheer interest. This one was called “Illness Beliefs of Depressed Chinese-American Patients in a Primary Care Setting.” At first I felt a bit nerdy to be reading something like this out of choice, to be so thoroughly engaged with an article about a scientific study that by necessity is written in a very academic, dry way…but then, inexplicably, I began to feel a satisfaction that’s hard to describe…and then–and then I began to feel a glimmer of hope! A hope that maybe I’ve actually chosen the right field of study for me…otherwise why would anyone independently forage for these types of readings?
Then something else miraculous happened: I found that the article wasn’t over-the-top scholastic; it wasn’t daunting to read; it was even comprehensible; in fact—gasp—do I dare say it, I found parts of it a little too simplistic. I thought it could have gone deeper. I had questions and saw at least one important aspect overlooked by the eminent MDs! I was shocked by the idea that maybe I do or will have something to contribute!
The master’s portion of my program will consist of a lot of reading, analyzing and writing of journal articles and research studies. It will consist of learning how to apply these studies to practice. I’m excited for all of that. It’s the RN year of the program that is provoking all my anxiety right now.